Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
