If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
