the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
