My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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