I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
