Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
