Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
