the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
