Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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