used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
