So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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