At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
