I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
