So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
