He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
