I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
