My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
