I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
