Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Actions speak louder than pants.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
