i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
