I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
