At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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