i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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