It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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