laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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