I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
