That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
