thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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