apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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