i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
