We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
