You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
