I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
