Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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