I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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