I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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