piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
