I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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