Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
