overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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