Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my vagina is haunted
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
