Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
