Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
