How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
