She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
