How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
