Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
