I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
