Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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