My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
