Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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