i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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