I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
