You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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