after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
