This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
