Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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