Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
