god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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