Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
