So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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