she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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