that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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