Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
